Married to the Empire

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Drowning

A phone call this morning let me know that I'm now the only member of my household who isn't in the club.

The kidney club.

Our sweet Doogie has been losing weight, so they ran a billion tests on him at his annual vet visit yesterday. The results came in: kidney disease.

And like Calvin, his calcium is high, but it's not his thyroid. So we might be looking at cancer, too.

Can I be 100% honest here? I'm drowning.

It's been a difficult summer for me. I've had such bouts of anxiety that I've been reduced to tears more times than I can count. I don't sleep well anymore. I hate to say it, but church responsibilities are weighing me down like a cast-iron anchor I can't unchain myself from. I've had to play youth minister most of the summer, and frankly, it's a job I never wanted. I love our students, please don't misunderstand. But I prefer to play a support role. My husband's position as youth minister is strictly voluntary, and naturally, the job that actually pays him a salary has to take priority. So while he works, I play youth minister. I'm ashamed to say that I'm looking forward to the start of school next week, as it means that I no longer have to come up with entertaining activities each week and attend them as the responsible adult in charge.

Throw in sick-pet duty. The best part of the summer with our youth group is camp, and I had to miss it this year because of Calvin. I don't resent Calvin for it, but I do resent the situation. Administering pills, cleaning up messes, and going to the vet regularly is exhausting.

I'm worn out.

Now finding out that my other cat, the one who still runs and plays and gets mad at his brother because he won't wrestle anymore, is sick, too, has just pretty much pulled me deeper under the water. I'm freaking out here because this cat doesn't go to the vet easily.

And then there's the cost. This is expensive. But they're our babies, and we can't let them just die when we can actually do a few things to make them feel better. We made a commitment to them when we adopted them, and it's not as if we have human children to clothe, feed, and create college funds for.

But I'm drowning.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to send you a few hugs. Our furry "children" make life so much fun and bring so much love to our lives. Hang in there. They are lucky to have you.

Rhonda said...

saying a prayer for you and sending you a cyber hug.
no advice for you - but I do hope things get better soon.

*carrie* said...

Anne Marie,

Hoping you'll feel refreshed and encouraged soon!

Niktom said...

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

-2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Sending up prayers for rest, comfort, health and peace.

Kameron said...

((((HUGS))) I wish I could say something to help ease what your going through but I think Niktom said it best. Speak to Steven about how your feeling, cry, take hot baths and most of all....pray. Anytime I feel like I'm drowning, I pray & cry. I always feel better afterward. It's like the tears are helping God wash away my anxiety & I feel so calm after. It won't take away the strife your going through but maybe it will renew you for the battle.

Beth said...

Sending more prayers and positive energy your way. So sorry that you are feeling so sad and overwhelmed.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry. Praying for you!

becky s. said...

I'm praying for you.

Anonymous said...

((Anne Marie)), I know how it feels to be completely overwhelmed.
I have no advice other than what evryone else said. I will keep you in my prayers....

Erin from BHG...

Mod Podge Amy said...

I TOTALLY understand - I have bouts where things are absolutely nuts. I will send up a little prayer for you. Just keep on truckin'! I'm sending good vibes your way!!

Anonymous said...

Saying a little prayer for you. I've been through something similar to what you are going through and it's not easy but know that you are giving your kitties a wonderful life.

Joanne Brown said...

How did I miss this post?? Sorry you are feeling this way. I know what a wonderful person you are!! And I know that you are a dedicated, reliable person so you probably put so much into whatever you do. That's why you feel overwhelmed. You are being pulled in lots of directions and sometimes you just can't give 100% to all the roles you have to play and something's got to give!! It's all about BALANCE. This is on my mind too since I'm stressing about how I'm going to get balance in my life once I start work next week - working 30 hrs a week, being a wife, being a mother to 2 demanding boys, being a homemaker, my church responsibilities. It really does feel overwhelming!! I'll just have to start and end my days on my knees (in prayer!!) and leave the rest of the day in His hands!! love you!!