Drowning

A phone call this morning let me know that I'm now the only member of my household who isn't in the club.

The kidney club.

Our sweet Doogie has been losing weight, so they ran a billion tests on him at his annual vet visit yesterday. The results came in: kidney disease.

And like Calvin, his calcium is high, but it's not his thyroid. So we might be looking at cancer, too.

Can I be 100% honest here? I'm drowning.

It's been a difficult summer for me. I've had such bouts of anxiety that I've been reduced to tears more times than I can count. I don't sleep well anymore. I hate to say it, but church responsibilities are weighing me down like a cast-iron anchor I can't unchain myself from. I've had to play youth minister most of the summer, and frankly, it's a job I never wanted. I love our students, please don't misunderstand. But I prefer to play a support role. My husband's position as youth minister is strictly voluntary, and naturally, the job that actually pays him a salary has to take priority. So while he works, I play youth minister. I'm ashamed to say that I'm looking forward to the start of school next week, as it means that I no longer have to come up with entertaining activities each week and attend them as the responsible adult in charge.

Throw in sick-pet duty. The best part of the summer with our youth group is camp, and I had to miss it this year because of Calvin. I don't resent Calvin for it, but I do resent the situation. Administering pills, cleaning up messes, and going to the vet regularly is exhausting.

I'm worn out.

Now finding out that my other cat, the one who still runs and plays and gets mad at his brother because he won't wrestle anymore, is sick, too, has just pretty much pulled me deeper under the water. I'm freaking out here because this cat doesn't go to the vet easily.

And then there's the cost. This is expensive. But they're our babies, and we can't let them just die when we can actually do a few things to make them feel better. We made a commitment to them when we adopted them, and it's not as if we have human children to clothe, feed, and create college funds for.

But I'm drowning.